Ramadan has gone but the spirit is alive, and I hope many of you would want this spirit to continue for the year. This Ramadan, I reflected on the translations of the surahs from the parenting prespective, and found so many stories to relate as a parent.
We all want our children to be on the righteous path and become practicing muslims, but are we really reflecting it in our behaviour as parent?, are we really following the sunnahs of upbringing a child? Children are the amanah of Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ and we should be mindful of how we treat them. Let me share with you all parenting lessons from the Quran, from the lives of Prophets.
From Prophet Ibrahim عَلَيْهِ ٱلسَّلَامُ
First one is my all time favourite, from the life of Prophet Ibrahim عَلَيْهِ ٱلسَّلَامُ , When Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ ordered him through the dream to sacrifice his son, he did not directly go to his son and said I have to do it as Allah has ordered, No!. He called his son “Oh my son” and told him about the dream and asked what do u think?, where Prophet Ismail عَلَيْهِ ٱلسَّلَامُ being the obedient son told his father to do what Allah has commanded. [Surah Siffat;102]
Prophet Ibrahim عَلَيْهِ ٱلسَّلَامُ might just have ordered his son to do what Allah has asked, or might have forced him, but no he chose to discuss and show respect to his son’s point of view. SubhanAllah!
Lesson: Instead of telling our kids, Salah is farz, fasting is farz, lieing and backbiting is haram, Allah has ordered this and that, we should “DISCUSS” politely and consider their point of view and reach a collective decision and solution on how to implement deen in our lives.
From Prophet Yaqoob عَلَيْهِ ٱلسَّلَامُ
Second is from the life of Prophet Yaqoob عَلَيْهِ ٱلسَّلَامُ and Prophet Yousaf عَلَيْهِ ٱلسَّلَامُ from Surah Yusuf. When Prophet Yusuf عَلَيْهِ ٱلسَّلَامُ shared his dream with his father Prophet Yaqoob عَلَيْهِ ٱلسَّلَامُ, [Surah yusuf; 4], he did not told his son to forget about the dream or do not overthink, instead he listened carefully though he knew whats coming, he validated his sons feeling about the dream and told him to keep it a secret and he as a father kept the secret of the dream too. He advised his son and assured him that ALLAH سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ will bestow His favours upon him. [Sursh yusuf; 6]
Prophet Yaqoob’s story also help us teach the patience as a parent, there are ups and downs in our children’s lives, all we have to do is to pray patiently and with complete trust in Allah that things will work out!
Lesson: We should not invalidate our kids concerns and things they want to share, instead we should listen to them patiently and offer advise, and help them understand that ALLAH The Merciful is there to help them.
From Luqman عَلَيْهِ ٱلسَّلَامُ
Third is from the story of Luqman عَلَيْهِ ٱلسَّلَامُ, mentioned in the Quran in Surah Luqman, where Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ mentioned the wisdom of Luqman عَلَيْهِ ٱلسَّلَامُ, a wise and righteous man and how Allah gave him Hikmah! [Surah Luqman; 12]
Luqman عَلَيْهِ ٱلسَّلَامُ talked to his son and gave him advises on how to spend the life in this world. He started by calling his son “يا بنى” oh my dear son”, (talking to his son with love and kindness) and advised him the following;
- Do not associate anyone with Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ i.e to avoid shirk as it is great injustice and great sin.
- Avoid bad deeds, for even if it is equal to a mustard seed it cannot be hidden from Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ
- Offer prayers, do what is right and leave what is wrong
- Be patient, when something befalls you
- Listen to people, be kind and respectful to them and don’t ignore them
- Dont walk on earth arrogantly, Allah doesn’t like boastful, arrogant and selfish people
- Walk moderately and talk politely in low voice, do not raise your voice.
[Surah Luqman;13-19] MashAllah this is a complete parenting guide for us.
Lesson: We should talk to our children politely and should advise them about the orders of Allah, what is right and what is wrong and how they should deal with the worldly matters in the light of Quran and sunnah.
From Prophet Muhammad صَلَّى ٱللَّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّمَ :
Another lesson I would like to share is not from the Quran but from the sunnah’s of the Prophet Muhammad صَلَّى ٱللَّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّمَ . Anas bin malik was very close to prophet Muhammad صَلَّى ٱللَّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّمَ as a child, he would hold Prophet صَلَّى ٱللَّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّمَ shoes, while he صَلَّى ٱللَّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّمَ performs wadhu, and would prepare the tumble of water when needed by Prophet صَلَّى ٱللَّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّمَ . Anas Ibn malik shared with people, that not once Prophet Muhammad صَلَّى ٱللَّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّمَ scolded him or raised his voice nor did he forced him to do something infact he shared how Prophet Muhammad صَلَّى ٱللَّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلَّمَ was very kind and polite with him, listened to him and advised him.
Anas bin Malik reported: “I served the Messenger of Allah صَلَّى ٱللَّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ for nine years, and I do not know (of any instance) when he said to me: Why you have done this and that, and he never found fault with me in anything.” [Ṣaḥiḥ Muslim 2309]
Anas bin malik also narrated: The Prophet صَلَّى ٱللَّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ was the best of all the people in character. I had a brother called Abu `Umar, who, I think, had been newly weaned. Whenever he (that child) was brought to the Prophet صَلَّى ٱللَّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ the Prophet صَلَّى ٱللَّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ used to say, “O Abu `Umar! What did Al-Nughair (nightingale) (do)?” It was a nightingale with which he used to play. Sometimes the time of the Prayer became due while he (the Prophet) was in our house. He would order that the carpet underneath him be swept and sprayed with water, and then he would stand up (for the prayer) and we would line up behind him, and he would lead us in prayer. [Sahih Al Bukhari 6203]
Lesson: We should not yell on our kids, be polite to them and respect them. Talk to them with love and talk about things which intesrest them. There are many more stories from the life of Prophet Muhammad صَلَّى ٱللَّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ on how to treat children, we can learn more from them.
Lets follow the sunnahs of our Prophet Muhammad صَلَّى ٱللَّٰهُ عَلَيْهِ وَآلِهِ in raising our kids, and lets take lessons from the Quran to reflect on our parenting. May Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ help us raise confident, capable Muslims. Ameen!
Also read:Conscious parenting in raising a confident muslims
Want to learn about respectful parenting in line with the teachings of Islam?? Register for one of our program on Anger management and Tarbyat:
